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Gambling Problem

The poem is about a phase in my life that I consider very dear to me, and also the most excruciating. Writing this poem almost felt like catharsis. The cover photo is an artwork I made that sums up all the words I wanted to say, before I wrote this poem.

This was a blind bargain,

I called it when I met you,

It felt strange, this familiarity;

Like I knew you before you knew me.

Beginner's Luck got us so far.

You say your head's full of me;

My name in your mouth

Like pearls falling out,

You love so loudly, the whole world can hear.

This thing I'm feeling is bigger than myself.

I have a Gambling Problem.

I made deals with Delusion,

Tried to win with a losing hand and couldn't,

I gambled everything I had for everything I didn't.

Me, my Monte Carlo fallacy,

And you always coming back to me.

So I let the cards fall on the floor.

If we were set to win, we would've already.

We were down to the wire

When we got tangled in it.

Perhaps, I can only write about love

After I've lost it.

Yet, I wake, shaking-

On the moons I didn't gamble away,

Dancing around drunkenly,

In this dreadful drudgery of a parlay.

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