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A Hide From Humanity

There is within ourselves a collection of emotions that we all seem to dread. We avoid them and run from them. Which are these panic inducing feelings? And why are we so scared of them?

There is, in the strange and chaotic depository of human emotions, a specific list that we would

much rather avoid. We’d be happier ignoring.

There is a series of feelings that trigger within ourselves the most hasty responses whose nature

is proper and born out of the deepest rejection with just the mere mention of those names we’ve

assigned them in a desperate attempt to convince our own minds that we own an understanding

of them. To try and allow us to think that we are able to possess control over something as

unhinged, as chaotic and unpredictable, as foolish and inflexible as ourselves; like the nature we

pretend not to be a part of but we use to justify our worst mistakes.

Regret, guilt, frustration, disappointment, anger.

These are, within many others, the emotions that we, flooded by our own foolish affirmation of

self-knowledge, have labelled as negative.

Wrath, jealousy, sadness, envy.

Emotions we fear for they show to the world our own true self. Breaking the masquerade, we so

carefully wear over our faces so to hide as a shameful secret our authenticity. To keep our

hypocrite façade. For is our humanity that dehumanizes us.

In no other moment we find ourselves farther away from our identity as when we pretend to

control it, when we pretend to decide which ones of their characteristics exist and which do not,

acting like we are objects of our own convenience, adjusting to standards that do not represent

us, imposed by entities that are not even a part of our life stream, living the lie that we desire

whatever is expected from us.

We’re prisoners of ignorance. Many kinds, yes, but essentially of our own.

We live aware of the afflictions caused by the chains resulting from the expectations we’re

subjects to, not understanding we’re imprisoned by them for we don’t know further freedom.

We crave control, yes, but this isn’t a mere vain desire born from arrogance and pride of us,

beings who call ourselves human as we reject the inherent implications of such category.

No. Reality is, such an anxious need finds its roots planted in a fertile ground, a crop field for our

worst mistakes and most deplorable decisions. A versatile seed from which are grown our biggest

rejections and most unfounded prejudices. The puppet master behind our darkest episodes.

Our own fear.

We find ourselves perpetually scared. Scared of everything and anything, really.

From the moment our ancestors received the curse that is self-awareness. From the second the

first representants of our species realized they were alive, within them raised a most terrible need

to stay that way.

We fear anything that threatens us, and we find a threat within anything we don’t understand as

we hide and run from the terrifying reality that grows over our existence.

We don’t understand ourselves.

We understand the consequences, but we don’t understand the causes.

We find ourselves stuck upon a disconnected plane from which we can only get out by means of

our imaginations that often speculates and theorizes and thinks but never knows.

We much rather enclose within longings we don’t have that face the terrible void from our own

deepest needs.

We run from any of those impulses and responses that make us get out of the a path paved by

those who came before us and wonder if the destiny it is leading is one we wish to meet or we

are rather driving ourselves to a special kind of prison. If maybe that pillar of knowledge

instilled within our beings by our equals as they childishly play superiority may have flaws. If

we may need to rebuild the fundamentals on top of which we are building our short presence in

this plane.

It is our longing for freedom our deepest prison. Our desire for a humanity standard our most

inhuman act. Our search to run from suffering the cause of our greatest torments.

For we know and we refuse to accept.

We look and refuse to see.

For nothing can be controlled if not understood

And nothing we run from will we never understand.

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